Chickies And Ale
To Frank Zappas "Titties and Beer" It was the darkest night, there was no moon in sight. None of the stars were shinin', they were filled with fright. I felt a scary wind, I seen some ugly trees, There was a freaky lookin' shadow along beside me. I'm a real bad dude. I'm Agarwaen Gix. Behind me is the hottest of hot chicks. This song is about her, and about me And what happenned on the Mountains of Extascy! I noticed the thrikeens was actin' weird on the trail So I figured I might just take a swig of my ale. I said "Gimme some of that, what yer suckin' on!" But when I turned, she was gone! "Where's that chickie I like so well! And my Royal Ale!" is what I started to yell. Then I heard a squeal like a tortured pig, And out of a rift stepped the Daemon, she's about this big. She had a leather suit on, a shawl of children's shrieks, A sentient tail, and a sulpurous reek. Yes, it was her alright, I swear I knowed it was! There was some human flesh up underneath her claws! You know it looked to me like it was hottie skin! What come out of my mouth, got me noshouted then. Then she just got out some floss, started cleaning her fangs So I hit her with my hammer, BANG BANG BANG! But Etna just laughed and said "Put it away. I ate her all up, now what you got to say?" Agar: "You ate my chickie?" Etna: "Implants and all." Agar: "What about me Ale then?" Etna: "Was the bottle this tall?" Agar: "Even her boots?" Etna: "Would I lie to you?" Agar: "Geez, you must've been famished!" Etna: "This is true." Agar: "Don't you get paid good for the stuff that you do?" Etna: "If I do I sure ain't tellin' you." Agar: "Well, I want my chickie, and I want my ale, So you just barf it back up or I'll pull your tail." *pause while Etna fakes considering the demand* Etna: "Blow it out your horn, Little Minstrel Man! I am the Daemon, do you understand? Just what will you give me for your chickie and beer? I guess you noticed this little contract here?" Agar: "You sure are right you angelic nun!" (Etna: Don't can me THAT!) "Words are my toys, and the source of my fun! Gimme that paper and loopholes will I find 'Cause I wants me beer and it's chickie-lovin' time!" Etna: "Nah, you can't fool me, you must be scared! You should have seen some of the souls that I've 'mared! Why, there was that guy Tanin, and Zaggie too, And both of those guys was way worse than you." Agar: "Well, let's close the deal if you think that's true. I mean, you're the Daemon, so whatcha gonna do?" Etna: Hmmm. Why are you so eager? No one is eager to deal with me? Agar: Yup, that's me, eager beaver! Etna: Or is this just you Kindreds blowing hot air again? Agar: Sure! That too! Did you sign yet? Etna: But, you guys don't bluff much, so what do you know? Agar: We've forgotten more than most will ever know. Signed yet? Etna: I am tempted to sign just to get you to go away. Agar: Ah, but that is not in this contract! Sign this and we will discuss that later. Etna: Or are you just annoying me to distract me into a poor choice? Agar: Would I do that? Sign it! Etna: Or do you know that, and are trying to trick me with reverse psychology? Agar: You're overthinking it! Sign! Etna: Or knowing I know that you know that I know, are you trying to be sly that way? Agar: Sign it and find out! Etna: "No! I won't sign it! Give me time to think! We've gotta be careful, that's Whistler's ink!" Then Etna, she gave a pull of her tail and out popped my girl, There was a hottie pop-poppin' all around the world! She said "I gots me Royal Ale and a purseful of plats, I'm gonna get ripped so screw you cats!" She flipped us both off, the Daemon got pissed, She left the scene and then sent a giant fish! The Daemon was mad, I took off to my pad! But I say it is not fair, she burned off half my hair! But I say it is not fair, she burned off half my hair! I still call it a win! El Gratitudo Rojas, The Grateful Red